For our last run of the Seekers Book Club by Maktaba Books in Jan 2025, we discussed about The Narcissism Epidemic by Jean Twenge and Keith Campbell – which was held at the cosy and warm space of Wardah Books. Without further ado, let’s delve deeper into the book.
Diagnosis + Symptoms of Narcissism
The discussions were centered on how the ‘self’ is inflated. Many participants defined narcissism as those that desire acknowledgement from people and admiration for themselves, at the expense of others. The discussion clearly drew the line on the difference between healthy self-esteem and symptoms of narcissism. Possessing healthy self-esteem is acknowledging both our strengths, weaknesses and the many rooms of improvements that we should strive towards. However, narcissists might not even acknowledge that their character needs improvements in the first place. The book posited a list of myths that are related to narcissism and one of them is that narcissists are not always wounded and lack confidence!
Roots of Narcissism
Unfortunately, the good intentions behind self-admiration sometimes seems to cross the line into narcissism (Twenge & Campbell, 2009, p. 14).
With many campaigns and values injecting minute forms of narcissism into society, some participants believed that narcissism has arrived in Singapore’s shores. However, some noted that it is natural for us to seek admiration and respect. However, many believe the lines will be crossed when the means to seek the respect is done at the expense of others. We should gain respect and admiration without condescending others.
A resounding agreement was shared on the emphasis of one’s autonomy in their life trajectory has sparked a sense of entitlement in Singapore’s society. Furthermore, coupled with founding values such as meritocracy in Singapore’s education system, it may have co-breeded symptoms of narcissism in youths. Many would point the reasons for their successes solely back to themselves, and sometimes neglect the entire village that had supported them.
With meritocracy being the cornerstone of Singapore’s success story, it may have created a culture where many youths want to reach the maximum results with minimum effort. Coupled with Artificial Intelligence (AI), many youths lose sight of the laborious yet rewarding nature of learning and the importance of educators. A participant strongly expressed their concerns when youths are unable to exhibit basic mannerism towards others in shared spaces such as schools and public spaces.
Interestingly, a participant shared that it might be the lack of emotional regulation from the home itself. Many children are not given the appropriate guidance and discipline when it comes to regulating their emotions and how to navigate problems and people with differing perspectives. Another participant poignantly noted that many parents struggle with either allowing their children to embrace their emotions or using the ease of technology to keep their children under control.
Unanimously, participants agreed social media exacerbates the symptoms of narcissism. When the ‘self’ becomes commercialised and made into a product, symptoms of narcissism are worsened. Today, humans are no longer just the consumers but they are a product too. Humans’ natural desire to be acknowledged and respected is being exploited as a product to be capitalised. Hence, the rise of influencers and celebrities that originated from the comfort of their homes. Additionally, youths and children today blindly emulate these human beings (even for the wrong reasons) even though these celebrities are just as normal as they are.
Read more about how modern media has shaped culture and our behavior in this article we wrote: Talking about Modern Media in a Book Club.
Treatment for Narcissism
As a society, we have a chance to slow down the epidemic of narcissism if we learn to identify it, minimize the forces that sustain and transmit it, and treat it. If we are unwilling to make these changes, reality always wins in the end. The only question is how long it will be before our nation buckles under the strains of narcissism (Twenge & Campbell, 2009, p. 302 – 303).
Being grounded and present in life – through connecting with conversations and books.
Thankfully, many see the magic of books and conversations as an antidote in resisting narcissism. Connecting with other members of the community widens our perspectives and removes us from our little world. Books are great libraries that carry countless perspectives and opinions that fit in our pair of hands.
How religion plays a role in resisting Narcissism
Religion was seen as an important anchor for many of our participants. A participant shared how Islam gave her a new definition towards how she saw life. The highest status people can achieve in life are positions of leadership or fame. However, the highest status people can achieve in the sight of God, is a slave. Regardless of the amount of accolades and fame one has accumulated, everyone is seen at the same level in the eyes of a Higher Order.
Furthermore, while narcissism may be seen as a novel problem today, Islamic scholars like Imam Al-Ghazali in the 12th Century identified such phenomena common and extensive in his community and noticed some traits in himself. In a chapter of his magnum opus Ihya’ ‘ulum-al Din, he talks about the diseases of the spiritual heart. Interestingly, there were similar descriptions found in both books, with just different terms being used. Imam Ghazali details how to identify diseases of the heart by looking into ourselves first and how we can find ways to cure it. Islamic scholars closer to our time also mention it too, such as Imam Al-Haddad (17th Century) and Imam Mawlud (19th century). The Islamic perspective is to first look into yourself first and ridding it.
Relooking our Parenting Culture
The way in which our society parents our children also plays a crucial role in curbing narcissism. Something as simple as buying an “I’m the Boss” (p. 73) shirt for our child may initially seem cute or innocent, however reinforcing such ideas of specialness will have a detrimental effect.
We acknowledged that we should be mindful and deliberate in the way we parent. As adults and especially so as parents, we have the authority to set healthy limits. We should focus on teaching our young ones empathy and compassion for others. Praise should be given when it’s due – such as when we notice them doing a good deed. Rather than praising them for their ‘smartness’ or ‘specialness’ – we ought to praise their hard work and efforts instead.
Children deserve to learn from failures through a healthy yet meaningful experience. It is OK for them to feel somewhat bad if they underperform; this way, the child can learn from their poor performance and be given the opportunity and encouragement to strive for improvement (p. 295 – 296). By being thoughtful and intentional in our approach to parenting, we can help shape a generation that values empathy, humility, and genuine self-esteem, ultimately curbing narcissistic behavior.
The best example we have is our beloved Prophet Muhammad ﷺ. He ﷺ is the greatest example we can follow as adults, whether we are parents or aspiring parents. Here is a supplementary article, shedding light on Rasulullah ﷺ’s parenting style.
Recommended Books
If you like this topic or want to explore more around this topic here are some book recommendations.
1. Generations by Jean M Twenge, recommended by Maktaba Books
A portrait of the six generations (the Silents, born 1925–1945; Baby Boomers, born 1946–1964; Gen X, born 1965–1979; Millennials, born 1980–1994; Gen Z, born 1995–2012; and Gen Alpha born after 2012). A book to allow us to better understand the concerns of each generation and how narcissism may manifest in different ways for each gen.
2. Purification of the Heart by Shaykh Hamza Yusuf, recommended by Maktaba Books
An exploration of Islamic spirituality that dives into the psychological diseases of our hearts and their respective cures. The diseases include miserliness, envy, hatred, treachery, rancour, malice, ostentation, arrogance, covetousness, lust, and other afflictions. The book can provide some insight on how we individuals can deal with narcissism and its presenting symptoms.
3. Lives of Man by Imam Al-Haddad, recommended by Maktaba Books
To remind ourselves about where we are going, to reshape what we define as success which would probably help us adjust the narcissistic behaviour in ourselves. Because in this book it talks about the different stages of life. Before on this earth, during the time on earth, and after.
4. The Barakah Effect by Mohammed Faris, recommended by Maktaba Books
A book that talks about the beauty and gifts of barakah, the divine multiplier effect, a spiritual conduit to abundance in every facet of life. It’s especially helpful and healing in today’s era that privileges hustle culture, overwhelming busyness, and cutthroat competitiveness, all of which can lead to various manifestations of narcissism.
5. Thinking Person’s Guide to a Truly Happy Life by Prince Ghazi recommended by Wardah Books
A concise and easy-to-read book that reviews classical, philosophical and religious answers to questions on life and happiness. It also shows Islam’s perspective on the issues based on the Quran and the sayings of the Prophet Muhammad.
6. The Rise and Triumph of the Modern Self by Carl Trueman recommended by Wardah Books
The book talks about expressive individualism, the way in which “each of us finds our meaning by giving expression to our own feelings and desires”. It is a type of psychology that sees oppression as anything that “keeps me from expressing my true inner self”, and what Christians would see as a symptom of narcissism. While The Narcissism Epidemic looks at empirical data, Trueman in this book looks at the philosophical underpinnings of the shift.
Credits for this article:
Written by Wan Nur Zafirah and quotes selected by Sitti Hatta